I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
