Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
