Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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