I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
