Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
