Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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