I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
