Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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