I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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