is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
