I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
