Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
