when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
