Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just threw up on my dentist
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
