She said her name was "party"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
