PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
