Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
