I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
