apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
