4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
