Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
