I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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