and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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