are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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