Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
