Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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