you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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