hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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