what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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