Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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