Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
FUCK WHALES
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
