If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
