I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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