dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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