dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
