Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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