I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
