if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
