Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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