I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
