That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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