Too much gin, very little bucket
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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