Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
