My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
