I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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