I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
