I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
