You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
