yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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