I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
