Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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