Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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