well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize