Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
