Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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