LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
