It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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