i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
