I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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