So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
