It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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