To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
