it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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