I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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