Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize