just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
