So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
