Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Will exercising make me less horny?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
