I'm so fucking centered right now
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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