I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
