Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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