I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
