Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
