You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
