idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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