she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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