he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
