I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
