Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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